a compact revolution
by Cora Clavia
Summary: More truth than Castle normally tells, and more than Beckett's ready to hear. It changes everything. Quietly. Season 3, post-Poof! You're Dead!


Season 3. Post-Poof! You're Dead.

Thanks to Polly Lynn for editing. And for sort of twisting my arm until I wrote this.

* * *

"Beckett? What the hell is this?"

"Sir. Uh." Beckett ran a hand through her hair. "Castle's – safe. We got him out."

"Unharmed?"

Beckett gritted her teeth. "Sir, he – was injected with – a chemical."

"How bad is it?"

"Truth serum, Captain," she sighed. "Castle was stuck with truth serum."

The captain blinked. "Wait. Seriously?"

"The guy mistook him for some kind of criminal mastermind. Wanted information."

Montgomery let out a short laugh. "Well. That's one for the record books. Where is he now?"

"Over in the tech van. He's still pretty loopy. Ryan and Espo are keeping an eye on him."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"The van?"

"Those two clowns being anywhere _near_ his truth-telling ass."

* * *

"Guys. Hey." Castle twisted a little, craning his neck to see behind them. "Where's everyone else?"

Esposito shot Ryan a look. "You looking for Beckett, Castle?"

Castle beamed. "Yeah. She's so pretty. God, I love her. Her hair is so shiny and she smells like coffee and cinnamon and I think if we had babies they'd be perfect."

Ryan patted his shoulder. "I bet they would. What d'you think they'd look like?"

"Brown hair. Definitely brown hair." Castle took a long breath. "I think – I hope they have her eyes. All soft and that kind of hazel-green with the little gold flecks in them. And her smile. I want a little girl that looks just like her."

"Sure you do, buddy. What do you think you'd name her?"

Castle's face screwed up. "Oh. I don't know. Maybe – maybe Katherine? No. Johanna. Maybe not. Or – no. No. I know. Joy. Her name would be Joy. Because Beckett doesn't smile enough. And she's so beautiful when she smiles."

Esposito leaned in. "You like her smile?"

"Yeah. It's perfect. It's so – I have this picture of her smiling in my desk where no one can see it. I took it when she wasn't paying attention. I hide it there. And I have, like, a thousand pictures of her on my phone."

"You keep sneaking pictures of her, Bro?"

"She keeps being beautiful."

"I know, Buddy," Ryan soothed. "I know. It's fine. I get it. And it's good. It is." He glanced briefly at Esposito before turning back to Castle. "I mean, you've been in love with her for a while now, haven't you?"

"So long. I don't even know the first time I realized it. It's just sort of – always there." Castle sighed. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to show her I'm serious. Will you tell her I'm serious? I think she'd listen to you."

"I'll do that." Ryan cleared his throat. "Javi? Yeah?"

"Sure thing, Bro." Esposito nodded. "But Castle, I just have one more question. Do you want to marry her?"

Castle's eyes got wide. "Of course I do. I have for a while now."

Ryan frowned. "But you were with Gina."

"I was trying to get my mind off Beckett. But then I said her name in bed. That's why we broke up, really."

Ryan and Esposito winced. "Bro. Man. Yikes."

Suddenly the van doors flew open, revealing an unamused Kate Beckett. "Having fun?"

Ryan gaped. "We – were just – "

"Guys. Out."

"Aww, Beckett –"

"_Now._"

Ryan and Esposito shuffled out grudgingly, and after a second, Kate sat beside Castle. He was flushed, his face sweaty; she tugged a handkerchief out, dabbed at his damp forehead. "You okay?"

He smiled dazedly. "Tired. But I'm glad you're here. You make everything better."

Kate bit her lip, but her mouth was turning up at the corners. "You're in a good mood."

"As long as you stay with me." He watched as she set the handkerchief down. "Ryan and Esposito were asking me about you."

That…oh dear.

"Castle – "

"Your hair is so beautiful. Really. Sometimes I just sit and stare at you, because you're just so beautiful."

She froze. Castle didn't seem to notice.

"And the best thing is that you're funny. I know you think you come across so serious, but you've got this great sense of humor, and I love how you smile and you pretend not to laugh at my jokes. And the way your eyes sparkle. And you act all professional and buttoned-down, but you've secretly got the warmest heart. And _I know_."

"Oh." The syllable escaped her before she could stop it. This was – heading a direction she wasn't comfortable with.

"I once – I once wrote this scene with Rook proposing to Nikki, the ring and everything – and then the next day I re-opened it and I realized I write _Rick_ and _Kate_ instead of _Rook_ and _Nikki_. The whole thing. Our names. It was just me asking you to marry me. I still have it. I saved it."

"Castle – " Kate sucked in a sharp breath. "Castle. You know that's just a story. It's just words."

"It's all words, Beckett." He smiled sadly. "It's always been words. Doesn't mean they're not real."

Her breath caught, and in spite of herself, Kate felt her chest getting tight. "Castle. This is just the serum talking. You know that."

"Is it?"

Kate bit her lip, looking down at his flushed face, his soft blue eyes, hazy and confused. This wasn't supposed to –

"Beckett. Kate." He caught her wrist, tugging it, pulling her closer. She held her breath. "I know you're with Josh. And I hate it. I hate him. Because he's with you."

She glanced around in panic, but no one else was there. Oh God. He needed to stop talking. He needed that drug out of his system.

"Castle, just relax, okay? You're going to be fine. I think maybe we should get you to the hospital."

"We never talk like this," he chuckled mirthlessly, his eyes starting to flicker shut. "It's a relief. You should try it."

"Castle?"

His eyes closed again. They stayed closed. "I wonder if you'll ever…"

"Castle. _Castle._"

She shook his shoulder, but he didn't wake up. He still felt feverish.

She swallowed all the things she couldn't say.

* * *

That night, Kate found herself lying in bed, staring at the wall. Castle was fine. He'd been checked out at the hospital; the chemical was out of his system, and they'd discharged him without incident. He'd texted her to say he'd be at work tomorrow.

She scrubbed her hand over her face. Stupid. Just words. Words under the influence of drugs. He probably wouldn't even remember them.

_Doesn't mean they're not real_.


End file.
